Only Fools And Horses Licensed To Drill

Alright, gather 'round, I've got a tale to tell about a certain someone who thought they were the next big thing in the drilling business. Now, imagine your mate Dave, the one who's always got a 'get rich quick' scheme up his sleeve, but never quite manages to pull it off. That's the spirit we're going after here.

Meet Our 'Licensed' Driller

So, there's this fella, let's call him Del, right? Del decides he's going to become a drilling tycoon. He's got this grand vision of drilling rigs as far as the eye can see, like a modern-day oil field in his backyard. Now, Del's not one to let little things like qualifications or experience get in his way. He's got that 'if it's not broke, don't fix it' attitude, but in this case, it's more like 'if it's not drilled, don't bother'.

Del's got this old van, a bit like the Trotters' Reliant Regal, you know, the one that's held together with duct tape and prayers. He paints 'Licensed To Drill' on the side, and suddenly, he's in business. No health and safety checks, no permits, just Del and his 'licensed' van, ready to take on the world.

Del's First 'Job'

Now, Del's not one to turn down a job, even if it's a bit... unusual. He gets a call from a bloke who wants a well dug in his back garden. Del, thinking he's hit the big time, agrees. He turns up, van adorned with its new title, ready to start drilling. The neighbours come out, curious to see what all the fuss is about. Del, in his element, starts explaining his 'unique' drilling technique, which involves a lot of hand gestures and not a lot of actual drilling.

He starts the drill, and the whole street starts shaking. The dogs start barking, the windows start rattling, and Del's standing there, grinning like a Cheshire cat, thinking he's the cat's pajamas. Suddenly, there's a loud 'CRACK', and the neighbour's greenhouse collapses. Del's grin fades quicker than a tattoo on a snowman.

When Things Start To 'Deteriorate'

Word gets out about Del's 'unique' drilling technique, and suddenly, he's not so popular. The council starts sniffing around, asking about permits and licenses. Del, realizing he might have jumped in a bit deep, starts panicking. He tries to bluff his way out, claiming he's got a 'special exemption' from the Queen herself, but even Del's not that convincing.

The council shuts him down, and Del's left with nothing but his van and his pride. He tries to sell the van, but who's going to buy a van that's 'Licensed To Drill' but not actually licensed to do anything? He's stuck with it, driving around in his mobile reminder of his drilling debacle.

Del's 'Legacy'

But Del's not one to dwell on the past. He's moved on, or at least, he's trying to. He's started a new business, something about selling 'genuine' antique watches. I'm not sure where he gets them from, but I'm pretty sure they're not genuine, and they're definitely not antique. But that's a story for another time.

So, there you have it, the tale of Del, the 'Licensed To Drill' driller who wasn't quite as licensed as he thought. It's a reminder that sometimes, it's best to do things by the book, even if it's not as exciting as Del's drilling escapades. After all, you don't want to end up with a van full of memories and a backyard full of holes, do you?