How Do You Get Rid Of Midge Bites

So, you've woken up with more bumps than a teenage boy's voice, huh? Midge bites got you feeling like a human pin cushion? Fear not, my friend, for I am here to save the day with some hilarious and helpful tips to send those pesky midges packing.

First things first: What are midges?

Midge, you ask? Why, it's just a fancy word for those tiny, annoying flies that buzz around your face like they're trying to learn the tango. They're so small, they make your average housefly look like a jumbo jet. And boy, do they love a good blood meal. Your blood, to be precise.

Why do midges bite, and why you?

Well, my itchy friend, midges are like the vampires of the insect world. They're drawn to the carbon dioxide we exhale, the heat our bodies give off, and, unfortunately, our delicious blood. As for why they've singled you out, it could be your sweet, sweet scent (too much perfume, perhaps?), your warm, inviting body heat, or maybe they just think you're the tasty-looking type. Either way, it's time to give them the slip.

How to outsmart the midges

Dress like a ninja

Midge repellent clothing is a thing, and it's not just for fashion-forward entomologists. These clothes are treated with insect-repelling chemicals that'll make you smell like a walking bug spray. It might not be the height of haute couture, but at least you'll be bite-free. Plus, think of all the great ninja jokes you can make!

Scent a revolution

Midge repellents come in all shapes and sizes, from sprays and creams to wristbands and candles. Some contain DEET, while others use natural ingredients like citronella, eucalyptus, or even garlic (bonus: you'll keep vampires at bay too!). Apply them liberally, and remember: the more you stink, the less you'll itch.

But be warned, some people are more attractive to midges than others. A study found that people with type O blood are more likely to be bitten than those with type A. So, if you're an O-negative, you might want to invest in some serious repellent. Or maybe just start carrying a 'Bites Me' sign.

Light 'em up

Midges are drawn to light, so if you're sitting under a bright porch light, you're basically sending out a 'Free Buffet' invitation. Swap your bright lights for yellow or amber-colored bulbs, which are less attractive to midges. You can also try using bug zappers, but be warned: they're more likely to attract other insects than midges, so you might end up with a light show that's more 'Alien' than 'Twinkle, Twinkle'.

What to do when the damage is done

Scratch that itch (but not too hard)

Midge bites can be itchy little devils, but resist the urge to scratch like a madman. Scratching can lead to infection and make the bites last even longer. Instead, try applying a cold compress, calamine lotion, or hydrocortisone cream to soothe the itch. And if the bites start to look angry or you develop a fever, it's time to see a doctor.

Ice, ice baby

Applying an ice pack to the bites can help reduce swelling and numb the itch. Just don't go giving yourself a brain freeze in the process. And remember, ice is nature's band-aid, not a tasty treat, so keep it away from your pets and small children.

Prevention is the best medicine

Midge season can be a real buzzkill, but with the right precautions, you can keep those tiny vampires at bay. So, dress like a ninja, smell like a walking bug spray, and keep your lights low. And if all else fails, just remember: at least midges don't carry malaria. Yet.

Stay bite-free, my friends!